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How I Befriended My Booty by Geralyn Coopersmith Cultivate your curves, they may be dangerous but they can't be avoided. ~ Mae West
As women, we come in many shapes and sizes (see my book for more on this). We may be apples or pears depending on where we tend to hold our body fat. Either the midsection -- or the hips/butt and thighs, respectively. Most of us are more pear-shaped, because in general there is a hormonal predispostion to hold body fat in that area. Most of the female clients I meet complain about their butts, hips and thighs. They almost always want them to be smaller...a lot smaller. More often than not, smaller than they realistically could ever be...and ironically often much smaller than most guys would find attractive. The plain truth, Ladies, is most guys like curves. Whether you do or not. They do. Most women like a straight-up-and-down look on themselves -- and on other women. I think most women would want have a body more like Gwenyth Paltrow's and most guys would prefer to look at (or better yet, touch) a body more like Jennifer Lopez's. I remember the first time I understood this, back in junior high. My girlfriends and I were hanging out with some guys we knew. Remember this was back in those "giggle..I think he likes you --pass him a note".. and "spin the bottle" years. So at some point this particular conversation turned to "what is that person's best feature". We went around and everyone weighed in about what they thought was a particular person's best physical asset. It was this one's hair, that one's eyes, that one's smile...etc. But when it was my turn to be commented on the guys just started laughing to each other and said, "Should we tell her?". Yeesh..that didn't sound good...my stomach lurched...I had no idea what they were going to say. Finally, one of them blurted out "You have a great ass!". I was horrified, stunned -- and, well...yes...flattered. Then they continued to discuss a particular pair of pants that I wore that they all really liked -- and apparently there was some locker room conversation about my butt and these pants. Pants which, incidentally, I wore A WHOLE LOT MORE after that day. It was rounder and bigger than most of my friends' butts... and I didn't like it. Thinner or heavier, I always had a butt. But (pun intended) after that day, I began to see myself in a different way...I just couldn't get my mind around..."Wow, I can't believe it...the guys are looking at my butt...and they like it". What the heck were they seeing that I wasn't?? I always felt better about my rear end after that day. I didn't really understand it. But it made me feel much more attractive to hear that kind of unexpected validation. Then somewhere in my early 20s I really embraced the idea that - this is my body. This is how I am -- and this is what makes me unique...and apparently (who knew?) attractive. The only person who wasn't okay with it, was me. So I resolved to fake it till I make it. Act as if I felt better about my body than I did. And overtime I actually came to befriend my booty. From that point on I made a promise to myself to keep myself in shape -- and to do a lot of exercises to keep my derriere from heading south. It's a promise I've kept. Plus, I wear clothes that show it off a bit. Okay depending on my mood ...sometimes a lot. And I still get a lot of positive feedback about it. Surprisingly, from men -- and women. In fact, backsides have finally became a fashion accessory for women in the last several years -- thanks to women like J-Lo, Beyonce and Gwen Stefani. When I was a girl it was rare that you would see a woman with a round butt in a magazine -- or featured on TV. I think I might have felt better about myself sooner -- if I saw some more body type-appropriate role models when I was growing up. Think about your own body. What is different about it? What makes you unique? What could you learn to love about it-- if you absolutely had to? What gives you your own form of beauty? Ultimately, if you want to feel good about your body (and you should want it, because this is the house you live in) then you will need to find things about your body that you can appreciate, feel proud of...and yes, flaunt. If you are constantly pining for a body type dramatically different from your own, you will always feel badly about your body. So you're flat-chested and you have short legs...so what?? "Own" that...that's who you are. Then resolve to workout, take care of yourself...and be the hottest, flat-chested chick with short legs on the planet. And don't underestimate the power of validating your friends -- and be sure to appreciate when they validate you. It feels good. The other day as I was walking out of the locker room, a woman whom I don't know was there sort of staring at her butt in the mirror. She was adjusting and re-adjusting her workout pants with a look of total discontent. She must have been in her mid 50s, very attractive -- and she had a really great ass. So I told her as I walked by. "You've got a great ass. You're a beautiful woman. Stop staring at it -- and go out there and show it off". At first she looked surprised because I sounded like a nut (well, I am a nut ...but that's another blog all together) and then we both cracked up laughing. She said, "Yeah...I was standing there looking at it...I don't know what I thought was going to change...thanks for that". I think the compliment meant something to her, because she had a little swagger to her walk and seemed to stand up a little taller on her way over to the cardio equipment. She should have felt good...she was a great-looking woman...she just may not always see it...and that's ultimately all that matters. Because our reality about our bodies is all our heads...there's no if ands or butts about it...(sorry, I couldn't resist ;-) Disclaimer: The information contained in this
newsletter is not intended as a substitute for medical care. Not all exercises
are appropriate for all individuals. Please consult with your doctor before
beginning any exercise program. |
